Mailboxes, Garbage Cans and Mattresses

I find that I love to make people laugh. However, the only way I can make people laugh is by the things that my kids and occasionally myself, do. So this one is on me today. I have already shared this story with some, and I have to say, it was a big hit. So since I did something similar the other day, I thought I would put the stories in writing.

Let me start with the present. We were running extremely late the other morning trying to get to school. Our neighborhood has curves, brick mailboxes and the kids were trying to get my attention. Can you see where I'm going with this? I took a curve too close and WHAM, I hit something. It was garbage day so I assumed it was a someone's can. I look in my mirror and don't see anything. I pulled over and inspected the truck and everything seemed fine. I called my husband and told him to check behind me for run over garbage cans. He says he sees nothing and to drive more carefully. I sweetly retorted that I usually do. He then proceeds to remind me that this is not the first time that I have run over a garbage can. Which brings me to the second item in the title. (BTW, I did hit a mailbox with the mirror of the truck, but Stephen still doesn't know this! *wink, wink*

Last school year, I had picked the kids up from school and was already down the street before Quincy told me that his seat was folded down and he had nowhere to sit. I pulled over in a neighborhood that had a pool with a driveway and got out to fix his seat. Mind you, it was garbage day, and I had seen their garbage can with a long chain attached when I was pulling in from the street, but promptly forgot about it. I get back in the truck and take off pulling into the school zone traffic. I start hearing this really loud noise and said to myself that boy, there was a airplane flying real low. I pulled to a stop sign and the noise stopped. I pull out and the noise starts up again. Now, I used to be really smart before I had kids. Really, I was. Now, I'm a little on the slow side. I'm just starting to put two and two together when the policeman who is doing the school crossing that day starts waving me over. Keep in mind I am pregnant with my fourth child at this time and have a mush brain. I'm freaking out because I don't know why he is pulling me over! DUH!! He has this incredulous look on his face, reaches under my truck and pulls out the garbage can with a chain attached. "Ma'am", he says, "Do you know that you were dragging this under your truck?" "Well, officer, I was just starting to figure it out, when you scared me half to death, by making me pull over." I didn't really say this...out loud. Instead I say, as nonchalantly as possible, "What would you like me to do with it?" He is still just in disbelief and goes, "Well, do you know where you got it from?" Yeah, I have a pretty good idea. "I will put it in the back of your truck for you." "NO, I shout.' (See, I have a blown out brake light and I don't want him to see it) "Just put it here in the front seat with me." I nod convincingly. I take the can back to it's rightful neighborhood with just a little dent in the side. I had back onto the road and can you believe that the policeman flags me down again? You have a tail light out ma'am. Insert gasp and racing heart here. "Just get it taken care of please.", he says before I can decide whether to lie or not. "Yes sir. No problem sir. Have a good day sir." I call my dad in tears and tell him what happens. What does he do? He reminds of the story of the third item in my title. The Mattress.

Back track with me , if you will, to when I was eighteen. It was the first day of my new job at the nursing home. I had to be there at seven and because the scrubs they had given me were to big I had to leave earlier, so it was fairly dark when I was driving to work. I was taking a back road that is full of houses that would make Jeff Foxworthy overflow with redneck stories and jokes. I'm almost to the end and I see a mattress in the middle of the road. I swerve, didn't hear or feel anything and thought that I was a pretty good driver for missing that mattress. I check my rear view mirror and there was nothing there. Now, this did puzzle me for a minute because I had heard or felt anything, but I just assumed that I had knocked it in the ditch. I totally forget about that mattress and continue on my way. I pull onto Blanding Blvd. As I'm sitting at the light at the interstate which was about 2 miles from the mattress street, I see people staring and pointing at me. I get really offended and ignore them. I drive all the way to Kingsley which is probably another good 3-4 miles away from said mattress street. I turn onto Kingsley and notice a guy behind me waving his arms and telling me to pull over. I freak out and speed up. He follows me into the nursing home parking lot, (which is way back off the street behind a lot of trees.) and I'm truly panicked now. My heart is racing and I told myself to run as fast as I could into the building. He starts running after me yelling, "Ma'am, Ma'am, you have a mattress stuck under your truck and it's been sparking flames!" Oh my word, what did he say? I could've caught the truck on fire. I turn around and thank him politely, telling him that I will take care of it. So. I have to go into my new job and say, "Hi, I'm Erika, you're new employee. I'm sorry, the scrubs you gave me are to big. May I please have some smaller ones? Oh, by the way, I also have a mattress stuck under my truck. Is there someone who can help me?" I end this with the sweetest smile possible. To wrap this story up, the maintenance man had to come out, have me back off of the mattress , throw it into the back of the truck and have me drive over to the dumpster.

Hmm, I wonder if there is any special insurance I can get...

So, it's been awhile! Almost three months to be exact. Baby girl has come and although she is a great baby, our lives have been turned upside down! I'm not sure what the difference is between three and four, but goodness, it's crazy.

I'm nursing the baby and it's created some interesting conversations and events around here. Q was absolutely fascinated by the process and I found myself saying, "There is nothing wrong with what I'm doing, God made us mommies this way. However, this is not playgr0und talk! No telling your friends what your mama is doing at home." Q is very analytical and scientific and just loves to know how things work. I had to look it up online. Who knew I would ever thank God for the internet! *Huge sigh* Then, there's Lulu. She wants to know "Why's Elle drinking from youse booby?" (We're all adults here, right?, But if not, pardon the "b" word :) She has also tried out my nursing paraphernalia. The other day, the kids and I were sitting on the couch, watching Christmas movies, the baby was eating (big surprise there) and we were all totally content. Then Kennedy says that Lulu is playing with my pump. I look over and the child has her shirt up, chest to the pump and the suction going full blast! We started laughing and the little booger looks back at us, with a huge grin on her face, but does not take her chest off. I have a feeling that God is up there just cracking up at this particular creation of His!! Goodness knows, I'm constantly storming heaven's gate over her.

All things considered, life is chaotic and absolutely wonderful! I'm going to leave you with my mother's favorite new saying, "It is what it is!"

Slightly Panicked!

Hey ya'll! So, I think the baby dropped today, and I have to say, I'm not impressed with how I handled it. You would think this being my fourth and all, that this would not phase me. However, I have cried and moped around all day. Worrying about her coming to early and maybe not having, oh, I don't know, ANYTHING ready for the baby could be it? You know how it is with your first one...everything bought and in place by what, your second trimester? Then with each one, it gets later and later, until it hits you in the stomach! (Like my pun?, Huh, huh?!) Ok, I'm rambling. Anyway, than I start worrying about getting the flu when I deliver and coughing when they cut me. How horrible would that be? I guess what I need is prayers and my sense of humor back to make it these last few weeks. If any of my three readers could help with that, I would appreciate it!

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God..."

Oldies but Goodies

I started this blog, by request, from many friends. However, since I started the blog, nothing funny has happened...that can be shared in print anyway! So, while we wait, I thought that I would write down some old stories that I, certainly don't want to forget, and hopefully will bring a few laughs to you as well.


One Thursday, Lulu*(my two year old) and I were at a friends' house, where she had stayed while I was at Bible Study. My friend and I were chatting and her three year old came to us very upset. She was so upset, we couldn't understand what she was saying. It was then, that I realized I hadn't seen or heard Lulu in quite awhile. I started to panic just a little, when the three year old pulled me to the bathroom. Now I understood why she was upset...Lulu was completely undressed, with the tea set in the toilet, having her own personal tea party! Did I freak out? Mildly, until I realized her mouth wasn't wet! Nothing a quick shower wouldn't fix. Fortunately for me, my friend did not disown us!

I Thess. 5:18 "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.